I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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