I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
