why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
