So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
