At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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