I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
