you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
