How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
