I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
