Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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