Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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