we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Every concussion has its silver lining
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I deserve this hangover.
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