Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
