Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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