if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't think brook has ever known best
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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