yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
