it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize