she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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