I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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