I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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