she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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