I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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