Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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