my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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