one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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