and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
