He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
