Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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