i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
