haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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