fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
