is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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