But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just found a bag of teeth...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
