M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize