i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
