Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
