Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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