He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
