What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
