But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
