This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
