Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is Oprah even human
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
