wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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