Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
