i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
