I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
