Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
