Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
