I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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