YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
