There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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