didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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