Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
