found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize