one might say we're banned from that church
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
