if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
