Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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