oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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