shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
