When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
