Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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