oh god the rape fog is back!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
