In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
