mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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