so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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