my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
