talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
