can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
