I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize