wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
