yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i drank out of a bidet.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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