dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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