i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
