we have pet lesbian snakes
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
