I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
