fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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