I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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