apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
As shirtless as possible
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
