she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
