i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How external is "for external use only"?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
