Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
