Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
