I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
